
You don’t have to answer to a boss.
You can work the hours you want.
You can work from where you want.
You can choose your own clients and ventures.
You can do things your way.
With those things in mind, it’s no wonder that being self-employed is often seen as something worth envying. When I tell people what I do for a living, it’s surprising how often I get the response: “Wow — how can I do that?”
Most of those who’re envious of my workstyle earn quite a bit more than me — so it’s obviously not about the money!
In truth, I think it all comes down to one thing: the assumption that being self-employed must equal a stress-free lifestyle.
I think the root of this idea is that the toughest aspect of work is answering to others. Once you remove that from the equation, it seems logical that stress would leave with it.
This is not quite true. There are a million ways to earn a living through self-employment, but you will always have to answer to at least one person: you.
How would you grade your inner-boss?
It’s time for some digital water-cooler catharsis.
My inner-boss definitely has some room for improvement. She’ll load me up with an inhuman amount of work and expect me to get it done at any cost. When I don’t get it done, my inner-boss assures me that it wasn’t the amount of work that was the problem — it was my own inability to be more effective.
In other words, my own inner-boss isn’t so different to the kind of hairy, fleshy boss you find in hi-rise buildings and on factory floors.
Judging by the sense of guilt permeating productivity blogs — particularly among the self-employed — I don’t think I’m the only person who left a real, unreasonable boss to create another one for myself.
How to retrain your inner-boss
1. Understand that it’s not always your fault. Remember the last time a real boss expected you to finish ten complicated tasks in half as many hours? This scenario happens because your boss has no idea what goes into getting the work done — and can’t be bothered to find out. Don’t let your inner-boss start to show the same behavior.
If you don’t have a realistic idea of how long certain tasks take, your workload becomes a matter of luck. Sometimes you’ll give yourself too little (and your inner boss will say that, really, you were just particularly effective), and sometimes — probably more often — you will give yourself too much (and your inner boss will say that, really, you were lazy).
While it’s not necessary to keep obsessive track of time, thinking about it and keeping rough tabs on it is worth doing. Once you’ve recorded some rough values, average them out. If you spend 7 hours a week checking email, you can deduce that it takes about an hour on average, so you’ll know to set aside an hour for that, instead of estimating that it takes 15 minutes. An “it takes however long it takes” attitude — something I personally struggle with — will make it hard to keep your work day under control.
2. Stop feeling guilty about life outside work. This is where your inner-boss gets sneaky. It won’t yell at you for doing something other than work, and you might not think about him/her at all while you’re taking an hour or so to watch television, have a nap, do some craft, or play a video game. When it’s time to go back to work, though, your inner-boss is very good at using guilt to its advantage. It’s hard not to start thinking about what you could have accomplished if you had worked for an extra hour instead of going out for pizza, or doing any other thing that makes you happy.
As self-employed people, our flexibility can be a problem. We can (technically) work as much as we want, and the amount of time we spend working can directly affect our income. An office-worker paid to work 40 hours a week isn’t going to be paid twice as much if she or he works 80 hours. This is not necessarily true for us.
One truth should be enough to mute your inner-boss when it attempts to make you feel guilty:
Work is something you do so you can enjoy life more.
If work (or your approach to it) is making it harder to enjoy life, then something needs to change.
3. Learn something from the 9 to 5ers. Working whenever you want is an incredible perk, but that’s no excuse to avoid making a conscious decision about how much you want to work.
My dad is a complete technophobe and, as a result, is fascinated by what I do because he doesn’t quite understand it. For a while, his favorite thing to do when calling me up to talk would be to ask: “How many hours did you work this week?” He knew my answer would be: “I don’t know!” — which amused him no end. As someone who earns an income either passively or per task, counting hours seemed unnecessary to me for a long time. My dad’s question, although meant as nothing more than a joke, did help me realize that being unable to estimate the amount of hours I’d worked even to the nearest ten made work/life balance impossible.
On a business-sense level, not setting limits around work-hours will increase procrastination tenfold and productivity none. After all — you can always do it later. Once you set limits, you can’t use that excuse any more. Personal deadlines start to mean something.
While you certainly don’t have to work 9 to 5, it’s important to make a conscious decision about the amount of hours you want in your work-week — whether it’s 4 or 40. Once you decide on a figure, multiply it by two. That’s your target work-total for two weeks. A longer time-frame gives you more flexibility.
From there, you might work out a steady work routine that you’ll stick to without deviation, customized to allow time for the things that matter most. Alternately, you might shift around your hours fluidly from week to week, depending on what your schedule is like. Setting limits doesn’t require that you sacrifice your flexibility.
While your inner-boss will tempt you to work overtime, you can blunt this by enforcing a simple policy: for each hour of overtime you work, add an hour of free time. You can use up your earned hours in bursts, or save up eight hours to take a day off.
Photo by trialsanderrors.














9 Responses
My inner boss isn’t that nice either
I can’t imagine anyone else getting away with wanting me to work hours past lunch to keep that writing flow going.
I don’t seem to have this ‘work’ - ‘leisure’ thing pegged. Because I work for myself AND am passionate about writing, the boundaries get blurred. For example, when I wake up in the dark morning and am itching to start writing - am I about to work or to play?
The upside of this confusion is that I’m much more passionate about work than I would be if I was employed. The downside is that I don’t always take enough time out.
The pits is that some of the work I do, like writing my blog, is what I love doing most of all - but it doesn’t produce money
I’ve been working for myself for a long, long time and have worked out these issues.
@Mary: it’s play if you think it’s play. It’s building for the future if that’s what you think it is. Or it’s catharsis: it is whatever you think it is.
I have no “inner boss” any more. Over time, all that faded away. I work, I play, and I don’t think about how much I’ve done one or the other..
It all works out in time.
Amen, Tony! It’s not at all about “balance.” “Balance” is pretty nearly impossible because you’re having to identify or assign a label to what you’re doing, and then constantly compare work with non-work.
I recently read a suggestion that made far more sense: think in terms of integrating work within our daily life. We’re all responsible grownups here, but it does take time to cast off the many “shoulds” ingrained within us from time spent in highly structured environments.
I can definitely identify with the inner-boss that wants way too much done in too little time—and ironically that’s one of the things that hurts my productivity the most.
When I overload myself with work, it’s very easy to get overwhelmed by all of it and not even know where to begin. My tendency is then to do something else instead, usually some mundane managerial task that doesn’t really benefit my business.
On the other hand, when I bargain with my inner-boss and decide on a realistic work schedule, things go much better and I am extraordinarily productive. It also helps build motivation and make me feel good because I get a lot of things accomplished.
Thanks for a great article, Skellie.
- Mason
Nice distillation of a key surprise for many people — you leave one boss for another.
The best book I’ve read on this is E-Myth, where Michael Gerber writes about the roles you have to play in your small business: The Entrepreneur, the Manager, and the Technician (and how each of these roles conflicts with the other and creates inner turmoil or a failed business.)
I’ve found that work life balance came, once I decided to invest acrossed a portfolio of areas in my life:
- mind
- body
- emotions
- career
- financial
- relationships
- fun / adventure
I realized it’s not just spreading time across the buckets, but energy, and the beauty is that investing in some areas, pays off in others — the sum is better than the parts. For example, throw a max of 40 highly-effective hours at my day job and a minimum of 4 hours on my body. The time you spend on your body will serve you in your day job.
Once you have a baseline, you can adjust your time/energy spend across your portfolio until you get the ROI you that works for you.
I can relate to #2 Stop feeling guilty about life outside work. But I have the opposite problem with my inner boss.
It’s always telling me I’m working too much. It encourages me to go out and enjoy life. Take a vacation…
But apparently it doesn’t realize that I finally enjoy working. After all of these years, I finally enjoy work!
Wow Skellie, awesome article! A few things I always put on myself:
-Every single day, my “inner boss” stresses that there were so many more things I wanted to get done!
-Even before I started working for myself, I have always pressured myself to do the job as perfectly as possible, even at the cost of stressing myself out or stretching unbearable projects out even unbearably longer! I’m a perfectionist, but at least I put out good results I guess.
-Another thing that goes along with that, is that my “inner boss” is often not quite confident enough to charge what I’m worth for all that hard work ensuring perfect results!
Anyway, interesting perspective, and thanks for putting some cool ideas into my head. I might share your article with my readers soon. Good work!
@ Mary: I have the same approach, which is that typical blessing/curse dilemma. Work often doesn’t feel like work — which is a really nice situation to be in. At the same time, it becomes a problem when you start to neglect other areas of your life. Too much of a good thing, etc.
I don’t think of work/life balance in the sense that you have life, and you have work, and it’s separate. I think of it in terms of finding the kind of balance where you are not neglecting any important aspects of your life in favor of another area. It’s probably more aptly called ‘life balance’ in that sense… but that sounds a bit new-agey ;-).
@ Tony: Sounds like you’ve got it good — but I don’t want to wait for the problem to resolve itself. I’m impatient, hehe.
@ Betsy: I think I’m using work/life balance the way you understand it — putting adequate time and effort into all the important aspects of your life without neglecting something important.
@ Mason: I completely see myself in what you’ve described. The more I have on my plate, the more inclined I am to procrastinate, or to complete ultra-minor tasks just to feel ‘busy’ without being effective at all. I can honestly spend a day in front of the computer and not accomplish anything of note (when I’m at my worst). One thing I’ve learned is the importance of tackling the elephants in the room… those big tasks that scare you. Once you knock them down everything else seems easier. I don’t think you can ever feel relaxed when you have something really important and big waiting for you.
@ J.D.: You’re a fount of wisdom :). I think the idea of investing both time and energy into all the important areas of your life, rather than helping one area thrive while others wither, is an incredible realization. It’s a process of transformation I’m currently going through, I think. Though luckily I think I’ve identified the problem before anything got *too* bad. I see the positive in that it has a humbling element — I teach about work but I’m not perfect at it. I hope I can alert people to some of the problems I’ve faced so they can be well-equipped to deal with them.
@ Troy Duncan: Enjoying work is a fantastic achievement. Think of it like this — if that’s 40 hours a week you love rather than loathe, through a lifetime, that’s thousands of hours you spend happy rather than miserable. That’s an incredible change!
I think I need to hire your inner boss :). Though my friends do a pretty good job as a replacement!
@ Cody: Thanks! I can definitely relate on the stress of perfectionism. Out of necessity I’ve been experimenting with some messy productivity of late. You might like the linked article there (though you might have read it) — it’s about how developing the habit of controlled imperfection can make you happier and more effective.
Wonderful post! I especially liked #2… as I can really relate to that one.